Thoughts of Our Fathers (TOF)

Developing new healthy relationships can start with an intentional introduction.

Most of us want to make more friends—not just online friends like on social media, but people we can share experiences with.

But in our busy lifestyles, we leave little time to meet new people and get to know them on a personal level.

A friend of mine recently invited me to a themed event called Conscious Contact. All he told me about the gathering was, “I'm having a get together so all my friends can get to know each other.” What a great way to meet new friends, I thought to myself. “I’ll be there!” I replied.

The gathering took place from 8:00 PM on a Saturday night until 8:00 AM the next morning. Fifty people from all walks of life, races, and religions spent the next 12 hours in a large rented house in Palm Springs. Most of us didn’t know each other, but we had all agreed that we would make conversation with every other attendee throughout the night. Instead of small talk, however, we were required to find something interesting about the other person while also sharing something interesting in return.

The first person I met was Rosario, an actress from New York City. “Are you a Christian?” she asked. “My brother recently became a believer!” “Yes!” I said, surprised by the sudden question. I then proceeded to share with her what God has done in my life and how I came to faith.

We have since shared a few Thursday Night Football games together.

Then there was Malloy, a singer from Los Angeles who came up to me and asked “Are you listening?”

“Am I listening?” I replied.

“Are you listening to what the Spirit is saying?” he continued.

“We should be friends?”

“No!” he said, ”We are already brothers!”

Since that night, he’s invited me to see him perform and we’ve hung out together.

The evening seemed to fly by as we mixed, mingled and shared with one another. At the end of the event, people were hugging and exchanging contact information.

“This was the best event I’ve ever been to,” said Denise, as she was saying goodbye to my friend hosting the event. She said that as a waitress from Las Vegas, “I meet a lot of people on my job but this was a great way to really get to know someone better. I know I’ve developed some new friends here. Thank you so much!”

After the event, I realized people can make conscious contact with anyone anywhere and increase their circle of friends. The idea may be daunting, but the reward is worth the discomfort. Next time you see someone you’re interested in knowing, say, “Hi, my name is ____. What’s yours?” Who knows, they may become your new best friend!

A little hope a day keeps the doctor away.

Dr. Orison Swett Marden once said, “There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow.”

Those words are being reinforced by recent findings by psychologists and medical doctors about the positive health effects of having a little hope.

For example, one study found that those who reported feeling hopeless were more likely to have major health issues including premature death. Hope created by success in school and the workplace also improves health due to higher levels of happiness.

Knowing the good of maintaining high levels of hope for our well being serves as proper encouragement to take actionable steps to increase hope. Here are some ways to get your daily dose of hope.

1. Practice Self Kindness.

Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy.

When our negative inner monologue gets going, it can strip us of our self worth. If we don’t feel that we’re worth good things, then we can’t help manifest goodness in our lives.

Instead, take 10 minutes out of each day to list all the great things about yourself as a reminder of all of your worth and potential still left untapped.

2. Nix the News.

As important as it is to stay informed of current events, sometimes all that information can get overwhelming. Stepping away from the temptation of constantly staying connected can give a much needed break from bad news.

Without that overload of information, you’ll free up your thinking power for a more hopeful focus. Allow yourself to daydream instead and imagine the sort of world you would like to see this one become someday.

3. Make a Difference.

Giving back can be incredibly rewarding but it also offers us a chance for an additional dose of hope.

Consider sparing some time for a cause you find worthy and personally appealing. Volunteering, fundraising, or offering resources will all be greatly appreciated by those you help and are all extremely fulfilling.

The time you spend giving will instill a sense of optimistic purpose in you along with the feeling that you can help change the world.

4. Look For A Laugh.

Laughing not only feels good, but it is good for you!

Researchers have learned that “hopefulness increased significantly after watching the humor video" shown to patients.

Opt for watching your favorite comedy when hope is feeling a little low or spend some time with friends or loved ones who are always good for a giggle. Belly laughs won’t be the only benefit you get out of it!

When you start feeling like you’re suffering from a hope deficiency, take a daily dose for a revitalized sense of optimism and happiness. It’s just what the doctor ordered.

Do the math.

As you build your wealth through budgeting and saving, you may start setting savings goals like retirement, buying a house, or determining your net worth. The internet has a wealth of financial education and calculators that you can use to determine your financial destiny and how close you are to making some of your dreams a reality.

Here are just a few of the calculators that are available:

Net Worth: Your net worth is the value of all of your assets (house, cars, savings, etc) minus the amount of your liabilities (debt).

How Much Home Can I Afford: Use this calculator to determine what type of income is required for the mortgage your desire.

Rent vs Buy: Figuring out this equation takes more than just affording the mortgage payment. This calculator will help you figure out if the fees, taxes and mortgage payments are all within your financial range so you can make a wise decision between these two options.

Emergency Savings: Making sure you have the right amount saved in your emergency fund is important should an unforeseen event occur. Use this calculator to determine how long it will take you to save a certain amount to cover your current monthly costs based on your current salary.

What will it take to save a Million Dollars: Want to know how much you would need to retire with a million dollars? This calculator helps you to determine this based on your current savings plan and your desired age of retirement.

Pt. 5 of an in-depth series on destiny guided by T.D. Jakes' most popular lessons.

Have you ever wondered, “If God is always with me on the road to destiny, why in the world is the journey so difficult?” If you are anything like other people who have discovered their purpose and are actively pursuing it, that question must have occurred to you by now. Though the question is asked by people of destiny the world over, God never promised any of us that the road would be easy. In fact, He anticipatedthe difficulty of your journey and is using it for your benefit.

Let me explain.

First, let’s understand something people often gloss over: Your destiny is planned. It’s yours and belongs to no one else. Only you can achieve it, and no one else can take you there. You must trust God’s guidance and leading on the road to your purpose. With that being said, He explicitly promised you that He would be with you. Note that the promise isGod’s presence and not that you wouldn’t have to do the necessary work in the preparation process.

Many people get excited about their destiny and purpose, but rarely do they want to engage in the refining process that prepares them to stand in that purpose. Though God goes with you on the journey, strengthening, encouraging, and leading you, God’s presence does not abort the training process. He is with you, but you must go through the “wilderness” on the way to your destiny. The reason behind this is the wilderness experience is meant to prepare you and develop your character. It’s meant to bring you to the point of trusting God. The wilderness process removes from you everything that has nothing to do with your destiny.

You are placed in the process to be pruned. Everything that is not of faith will die in the wilderness process. The wilderness is designed to kill off all unbelief in you, purge your motives, and ready your heart.

To answer your question of why the road to your destiny is so difficult when God has promised to be with you, it’s all a part of your development to ensure your ability to not only arrive at your destiny, but also live in your destiny.

Living with no regrets comes from knowing what you want.

Have you ever found yourself mulling over mistakes of the past? Is there a decision you have recently made that you now regret? Are there people you admire who seem to never be “down and out” and always have a smile on their face?

Everybody makes mistakes but that doesn’t mean you should be dwelling on them. You can’t be happy while carrying around regret and the key to living your life without regret is to live according to your chosen life path, your destiny.

“How do I figure out my life path?”

The answer may not be easy to find. You may need to take some time to figure out what you want to do. That is okay!

Just remember that the answer comes from within.

T.D Jakes points out that we need to take the time to get to know ourselves. God already has a purpose for you but you must remain faithful.

Life is about being on a journey. It is not about the destination. It’s about where you are going. T.D Jakes speaks about us not limiting ourselves from reaching our potential and that we should be using our circumstances to push you into a place of transformation in your life. Your transformation may come in a different way compared to someone else, so don’t try to replicate others steps towards your own destiny.

Not everyone’s path is the same, but there are commonalities. One of them being we all make mistakes. To live a life without regrets comes with an understanding that mistakes are okay to make. Otherwise, you may end up regretting not taking a chance that could have pushed you forward in life. Mistakes are lessons worthy of learning from because they give you an opportunity to grow. It creates a new beginning. A chance to start again.

So start figuring out what your purpose is. Don’t let the fear of failing or success stop you from attaining your goals. Live without regrets.

Pursue excellence or step aside.

No one rises to low expectations. One of my colleagues shared that saying with me based on her own classroom experience. To this day, I think it captures a very important part of our company’s culture. It helps bring excellence to life, which is one of our four corporate values. My whole life, I’ve been driven by an innate desire to achieve excellence in anything I put my mind to accomplish. The value transpired in how I engaged with my grades, jobs, sports, and now building my company.

One of the most challenging parts of building a business is managing people. I fundamentally believe it is because people do not like the idea of being told what they need to do and by when. They’d much rather have the freedom to decide that on their own. The best managers go beyond those things and engage with their people in a way that gives them ownership over their work and outcomes.

As we’ve continued to grow, I’ve realized that excellence has very different outcomes depending on who is interpreting what that means. In fact, when you push people to revise and recreate, more often than not, there is a lot of push back. In the short-term, people may even resent you. This happened for me with one of my colleagues a few months ago. Nothing she did the first time around was good enough. Most people’s first draft are not. The deadlines I was setting were unreasonable. I was pushing her too hard. At times, I felt guilty. I knew how hard she was working to impress me. However, I felt like I owed her the critical feedback so she could grow and develop.

After a few months of working with one another, her work quality and ability to work under pressure improved. More importantly, when she reflected on the thing she appreciated most over the course of the previous quarter, she said it was how hard I pushed her to achieve. Not only was she amazed at how much she accomplished, but also she was proud of every one of her work products.

That experience solidified for me one of the more important leadership lessons that I’ve learned to date, which is that you have to demand gold or excellence from your team people. Your customers will benefit and they will grow as professionals.

Karim Abouelnaga is the founder & CEO of Practice Makes Perfect an evidence-based full-service summer school operator for urban K-12 schools that leverages a unique near-peer learning model to drive academic outcomes.

It's time to take the pressure off young athletes.

While attending a pop Warner football game for boys ages 8, 9 and 10-years-old, I noticed significant changes from the days that I played football. The uniforms looked professional. There were six coaches for each team of 25 players. The stands were filled with parents, friends and other teams totaling at least 1000 people. While each team played exceptionally, coaches were yelling and criticizing their players. Parents and adults were yelling and criticizing the players, coaches and referees. After the final tick of the game clock, as one team won and the other lost, the level of criticism for the coaches, referees and players continued. For a moment, it seemed as though neither team had won at all.

Instead of the players being the focal point of the game, the audience took center stage, and the athletes joy had left the game.

I believe, from my 27 years as a strength, conditioning and speed coach, having assisted more than 1000 athletes to college, and many of these on to reach the Olympics and professional sports, it's time to help our young athletes play for joy. Here are three ways we may help:

1. Celebrate effort not the result!

When you celebrate effort, the athlete learns to focus on giving their best effort and finishing strong.

2. Practice to perfect your skill.

Games should be played with a free mind and in practice the student athlete truly learns the game by receiving critique as they improve their performance. This allows game day to be focused on passion and joy.

3. Show them love!

The student athlete should know that you love them for being themselves and not because they play a sport.

When I grew up in the 1960s and 1970s we played whichever sport was in season: football, basketball, baseball, kickball, until we could play no more and rarely under the watchful, critical eye of an adult. We eventually perfected our skills and gained confidence to play our selected sport in college.

Think about how you played as a child, then give your young athlete the gift of playing for joy and to find their own greatness!

It’s time for a break.

We all know that it’s important to slow down sometimes for the good of our health, but the benefits of taking it easy can actually increase productivity as well.

Limiting action and allocating more time for restfulness doesn’t have to mean trading in productivity. There are a few cases were slowing down will still get the most out of our time.
1. Schedule everything; especially time for yourself.



The first rule of time management is effective scheduling and a small way to do that is by making lists. Writing things down is a powerful tool because putting goals into words makes them more likely to be achieved.

Writing things down helps to unjumble the many priorities and responsibilities that require your attention. Making a to do list, for example, cuts out time that would have been spent trying to organize and reorganize priorities.

Research by Human Behavioral Specialist Dr. John Demetri has shown that making lists to break down large projects into smaller tasks also cuts down on procrastination which will help use time more efficiently.

Scheduling time specifically to do nothing is also a smart tool in ensuring you can do more by doing less. When your schedule is planned well, you’ll free up time that was once wasted.
2. Take purposeful actions.



Just as it’s essential to communicate with purpose, actions must also be purposeful in order to be useful.

“Busy idleness,” action that takes time and resources but accomplishes little to no results, is a common trap that you may fall into if you don’t take on and complete activities that are meaningful to your goals.

A published 10 year study of managers in the workplace found that only about 10% work purposefully to complete important tasks while the other 90% self-sabotage by focusing on unrelated matters, procrastinating, and allowing themselves to become disinterested in their work.

Don’t get caught up in busy work when your time is best spent solving the big issues. Cutting out busy idleness will leave you with completed goals AND time to spare.
3. Cut the multitasking



Multitasking can be a helpful practice when done well and applied to the proper situations but when it’s misused, it’s an even bigger time waster than not utilizing it at all.

Research by Ohio State University studied the effectiveness of multitasking and found that the practice gives users positive emotional feeling of increased productivity, but actual results underperform their expectations. It’s also less effective when applied to the wrong situation.

Activities that involve higher levels of concentration should not be multitasked. When focusing on such tasks, hold off on multitasking by giving them your full attention and you will see much better results.

Just as letting go is needed to move on, slowing down can help us to catch up. When we allow practices to be simplified, the results produced far exceed the energy and time that was put in and it doesn’t get more efficient than that.

It’s real. It’s valid. It’s time.

Pain is real, heart-wrenching and a massive burden to carry. Indeed, if those around us could see the pain and grief that we carry inside they would weep right along with us.

Yet, dwelling on our pain puts it on the highest pedestal of our lives. It doesn’t deserve the prominence. Living with the burden of daily emotional pain buries our hopes.

Relief is available; remember these three reasons why it’s OK to set down your pain once and for all:

1. You owe it to your body.

Researchers found that emotional pain can hurt more than physical pain. Since we can re-live emotional pain, its effects cut us to our core. Your pain is hurting your productivity, thought process and creativity as your synapsis are continually flooded with negative hormones. Since new experiences cause physiological changes in the brain itself, set your pain down and begin the healing.
2. Don’t let the grief define you.

The pain you feel often originates from past trauma. From the death of a close loved one, to never getting a chance to speak words you needed to say, to memories of childhood abuse--all of these experiences have battered your soul.

Doctors found that 15% of people going through emotional pain have severely negative reactions as they allow the sadness to take hold. Yet, we cannot let this grief define us. Rebuild who you were before this pain was your constant companion and bring that self back from the depths.

3. There are over 40 meaningful ways to release it.

Setting down the pain from your past will never be easy, but can be worked on step by step, hour by hour. These 40 ways to let go and feel less pain are a solid place to start. Instead of replaying the traumatic event in our mind, for example, we can try number 6, “Make a list of your accomplishments, even the small ones, and add to it daily.” Or we can start to release our pain with number 9, “Focus all of your energy on something you can actually control” like finally getting into that book you wanted to read or being a more peaceful parent or engaged sibling.

Let’s stop watering the things that only bring depletion to our lives and grow those that exhilarate instead. As we deliberately set down the pain that has saddled us for far too long, we free our arms to embrace the blessings hidden all around.

Ever wonder what is the secret to having a good life?

Ever wonder what the secret is to leading a good life? There seems to be one study that has finally solved the burning question.

Psychiatrist Robert Waldinger is a director of a long running study on adult development conducted by Harvard University. Since 1938, the 75 year old study has observed 724 young men. They were divided into two groups: sophomore college students who went off to graduate and serve in World War II, and young male teenagers who lived in some of the poorest neighborhoods of Boston, Massachusetts in the 1930's. When they entered the study, they were interviewed, given medical exams, and their families were interviewed as well.

Their lives remained under observation for several decades. The observations included surveys, interviews, and records of behavior during specific life events. The result of these observations were definitely interesting –– in some cases, they were extraordinary. Some of them have gone on to climb the social ladder, one became the president of the United States, doctors, lawyers but some developed alcoholism, and a few developed schizophrenia.

"The founders of this study would never in their wildest dreams imagined that I would be standing here today, 75 years later, telling you that the study still continues," Waldinger said.

In the TedTalk "What Makes A Good Life? Lessons From The Longest Study On Happiness," Waldinger laments over a recent survey on millennials. The survey showed that over 80% say their life goal was to become wealthy while the 50% of the group said their aim is to become famous. He realized that today’s youth was told to “lean in” may have lead them into believing that acquiring a higher status equates to happiness. This wasn't the case. Though riches and fame are good to have, none of these material things were the key to a good life.


What they discovered is that key to a good life is having healthy relationships.

"It turns out that living in the midst of conflict is really bad for our health," Waldinger said.


Based on the conclusions of Harvard’s historical study, Waldinger explains three lessons everyone can learn about healthy relationships:

1. Loneliness Is A Killer

1 in 5 Americans have reporter to feeling lonely. Waldinger went on to emphasize the importance of social connections, and how these interactions will keep you happier and healthier. People who connect with their family, friends, and community will lead more fulfilling lives compared to those who live in isolation.

2. Quality Over Quantity

It's not about how many friends someone has, but it's more so about the quality of those friendships that will determine your happiness. It's the quality that matters. Waldinger took a look at their 80 year old and spoke to them about how they felt during their 50s. Despite facing health health related issues, it was their "protective relationships" during their middle age that helped improve their moods by age 80. Those who didn't have those healthy relationships, like a marriage, at that age felt more physical pain in their later years.

3. Good Relationships Protect Your Body And Your Brain

Just as our healthy relationships can improve our moods and health at an old age, they can also help in improving our brain function. Waldinger discovered that participants who were in healthy relationships through the span of their lifetime had sharper memories compared to those who didn't. People who have led unhealthy relationships have also seen a decline in memory function. The significance of good relationships is being able to depend on another person, and essentially being happier.

"Good relationships keep us happier and healthier," Waldinger says.

The greatest take away we can get from this study is that as a society, we must stop trying to find a “quick fix." We must center our goals in life on cultivating and maintaining happy and healthy relationships. We must work on spending time with other who will bring light into our lives, but we must also act as a light for others as well. Putting our energy into happier and healthier relationships with others is key, and quality trumps over quantity. Although healthy relationships take a lot of time and hard work, it's important to invest our time on these relationships to lead happier, longer lives.

Speak Up.

Have you ever heard the old saying “The squeaky wheel gets the grease?”

This turn of phrase explains the fact that those who speak up get what they want in life and it’s a very useful piece of advice.

In fact, researchers have found that those who often and consistently ask for help are less likely to be turned down for assistance as opposed to those who ask once and stop pursuing help after the first rejection.

Helpers are more responsive to satisfying our needs if we simply request it.

Though, even knowing this, it’s still so hard for many of us to ask for what we want. We suffer from the fear of rejection and might feel guilt over burdening another by asking for their help.

The key to overcoming these hang ups lay in the approach we use in asking for help. We just have to learn how to do it right.

1. Get To The Point

Clear communication can make you or break you.

When asking for what you want, be direct. Skirting around your request or asking it in an ambiguous way will only confuse the person you’re asking and cause frustration.

Don’t be afraid of giving all the details with your request. Sometimes explaining why you need something and how exactly their help will assist you will secure an affirmative answer.

Also, don’t state the request in a way that sounds like you’re expecting a “No.” “Do you want to help me?” is a less impactful request than “I need your assistance with this. Can you help me out, please?” A straight and clear request is more likely to get a yes!

2. Give Thanks

It’s common courtesy to give thanks to those who help us, but it can also make it much easier to ask for what we need.

Giving thanks for help can work as a sort of positive reinforcement. You ask for help. You’re given help. You say thank you and it leaves the door open to the next request.

Not acknowledging the help you have received is like burning a bridge--it will cut you off from that other person because of the perceived unappreciation you have for the other’s time, energy, and help.

Your thankfulness should be apparent and genuine because the people you lean on for support deserve it.

3. “No” Isn’t Forever

Many times we latch onto one bad experience and let it determine several aspects of our lives. Don’t allow rejection to be one of those experiences.

Receiving a “No” when asking for help is not the end of the line. The refusal may have come from limited resources, like time or know-how. Those factors can change so the next time you need help, the person who first rejected you may now be up for the challenge.

Also, “No” shouldn’t limit your support system. Find others who can help you and rely on them when appropriate. One “No” doesn’t speak for everyone who can help so don’t allow it to limit your inquiries.

Don’t allow one rejection to deter your need to ask for help. Look around for that “Yes!”

Asking for help is only as awkward as we make it. Instead of allowing fear and anxiety stand between you and what you want, learn to ask and see just how much you’ll receive.

Learn how to stop playing the blame game when mishaps occur.

Blame. It’s a dirty word. It implies failure, even negligence. It’s no wonder then why so many of us are tempted to play the so-called blame game, where we rush to find a scapegoat rather than accept responsibility for mistakes. The blame game, though, unleashes a storm of destruction. In fact, according to Psychology Today, the blame game is among the “most destructive” of human habits –– sparking everything from war to road rage to general unhappiness.

The good news is, in a world filled with finger pointing, you can live a fuller life by refusing to play the blame game. If you find yourself in the midst of a blame storm, seize control by following these powerful tips.

1. Consider Your Role In The Situation

Even if you’re absolutely certain that the negative turn of events you’re experiencing is someone else’s fault, think about the role you may have played in the situation (no matter how little). Say an employee botched an assignment you gave him –– think about whether or not you could have communicated better to prevent the mix-up from occurring. Or perhaps you could have chosen another employee with a different skill set to complete the task. Get a piece of paper and diagram the sequence of events leading up to the mishap. Then, circle where you could have stepped in and handled things differently.

2. Try To Forgive

Forgiveness can be challenging, especially if you’re dealing with an individual who’s made a series of mistakes or if their negligence has you facing serious consequences. Big or small, try to forgive others’ faults. If you’re a person of faith, you’re called to extend grace to others. If not, extend forgiveness simply because you’re hardly perfect either and may also need forgiveness for a misdeed in the future. If forgiveness doesn’t come naturally to you, consider writing a letter addressed to the person you’d like to forgive. You don’t need to actually send the letter. Just express your thoughts about the mistake, why it hurt you and why you’re choosing to forgive anyway. This technique can help your angry feelings dissipate.

3. Release The Illusion Of Control

Face it. Sometimes mistakes or tragedies occur through no fault of anyone. A phrase has even been coined about such events –– “freak accidents.” Acknowledge that neither you nor the others involved in the situation could dictate the outcome. Instead of making someone else a scapegoat, try to learn the lesson from the situation and move on. You can reflect quietly at night or in the morning for 15 minutes until you see the way through the mistake.

Pointing the finger at others when mishaps occur does far more harm than good.

The blame game leads to feelings such as resentment, guilt and anxiety. Find a healthier coping mechanism when things don’t go your way. Ask for advice, reach out to others for support or simply give yourself time to bounce back from a failure. You’ll feel much better trying these methods than making other people victims.

Happy wife (or husband!), happy life.

When two people decide to marry, they’re agreeing to love and care for each other until the end of their days. The goal of that union is more than just making oneself happy; it’s also about growing your spouse’s joy as well.

As satisfying as it is to have a happy partner, there are more benefits than just happiness at your disposal when you keep a harmonious relationship.

A new study published by the American Psychological Association reports that people with happy spouses experience greater overall health. Also, it seems our partners happiness contributes to our well being just as much as our own happiness does.

Previous research has found that happy people are generally healthier than people who see themselves as unhappy but this study took it further to find the results of happiness in relationships. Research found that the reason behind the health bump can be attributed to 3 different factors in a relationship.

1. Spousal Support

It’s been found that happy partners are more likely to offer stronger social support to their loved one than a person who is less satisfied with their life.

This support includes caretaking, empathy, advice, and a compassionate shoulder to lean on which will help a stressed partner overcome their troubles quicker and without lasting negativity.

Loving support like this is much different compared to a unhappy partner who is more likely to focused solely on their own stresses instead of being an advocate for their spouse.

2. Set The Tone

Another way happy partners add to their spouses’ health is through their ability to pull their love out of their comfort zone and into activities and environments that promote good health.

Happier people often have hobbies that encourage positive attitudes such as sports, yoga, or pastimes that explore creative passions. The happy spouse’s involvement will often pull their partner into that encouraging environment.

Happy spouses are also more likely to manage important factors such as enforcing regular sleep cycles, eating nutritious foods, and exercising. In these ways, the happier spouse is setting a very positive tone for the other to follow.

3. Take It Easy

At the very least, if being with a happy partner doesn’t explicitly make the other spouse happier, it is sure to make their life much easier.

Happy people are less likely to bring conflict into the relationship. This means that the possibility of martial infighting is not very high. They are also more likely to be in tune with their partner’s wants and needs because of their compassion and empathy.

If you are married to a generally happy person, they will be surrounded by much less drama so their positive energy is more to likely to focus on you!

Increasing your spouse’s happiness is actually a very simple investment that can pay off big time. Since small, heartfelt gestures mean the most to your partner, finding easy ways to grow your love’s happiness is a breeze.

Consider crossing off some of the tasks from your spouse-assigned “Honey-Do” list. Whenever you have free time, select a few tasks to work on and watch how happy completing them will make your better half. Don’t be too surprised if your honey-do completion motivates your loved one into working on their own list of chores!

Poor communication is the number one reason given for divorce but it’s the easiest conflict to avoid. Try increasing communication by leaving messages around the house for your spouse to find. The note passing system can help to send simple reminders to each other but it can also be used to pass on flirtatious love letters. Keep the exercise light and fun so it feels more like a game!

Partnerships can get stale but there are plenty of ways you can inject a little bit of the unexpected into your relationship. Try recreating your first date or surprise them with a serenade of your special song. Romantic revelations like these will remind your sweetheart that they are special to you and will make them feel happily loved.

In keeping your partner happy, you’re keeping yourself healthy. Make sure your spouse returns the favor so you both can reap the benefits of good health and a good relationship.

Can people hear God speaking through you?

We don’t all speak the same language, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try and make connections with the world around you. Instead of expecting the world and the times to change their language for you, you’ll have to change your language to fit the time you’re in. One thing we can’t change, stop or fight is time.






Knowing we’re living in a time when Christianity is on the decline in this country, for the first time in history, we have to ask ourselves how we’ll stand strong in the face of people who don’t accept Scripture as law. Just because your surroundings may be out of order, don’t let the order be out of you. There’s someone out there whose tastes are different than yours, whose background and lifestyle are different than yours. But can they hear God speaking through you -- in their language?

It’s time to make lasting connections.

To communicate meaningfully with others, we need to speak to them in a way that they find relatable. Without using words and experiences they can understand, those you reach out to will only be confused by the message you’re trying to deliver.

So, what happens if your point of reference becomes dated and no longer resonates with your audience? That’s when it’s time to reinvent your perspective.

It can be difficult adopting new references into your long-held outlook but you don’t have to figure it out alone. Surrounding yourself with people from different backgrounds, generations, and lifestyles can give you a fresh take to incorporate into your delivery.

Interacting with these individuals will give you a first-hand understanding of their concerns, priorities, and needs. These new points of view can then be considered and included in your conversation whenever reaching out to others.

Communication is useless if you can’t form a connection. If your message isn’t being heard, stop and reconsider your approach. You may find that a fresh dialog is all you need to make others hear you loud and clear.

Solitary without the confinement.

Humans are social creatures.

With the help of the bonds we form with each other, we’re able to create great works, be the change we want to see happen and find companionship and love. When we come together, there is a strength to be gained for everyone.

However, we also need to learn how to be comfortable with being alone.

As important as it is to be happy in one’s own company, it’s also a difficult task because, as a society, we equate being alone with some sort of deficiency. This notion has been disproven and the results found that those who identified as loners “had just as much ‘social capital’ — defined by physical attractiveness, height, weight, socioeconomic status, and academic achievement — as their non-lonely peers.”

In fact, there are benefits to being periodically alone.

There’s nothing like competition.

Gianni Versace, the insanely successful artist and businessman once said, “It is nice to have valid competition; it pushes you to do better,” and it appears he may have been on to something.

A recent study has found that when we have someone with whom we can compete, it pushes us to perform at higher levels than if we didn’t have that rivalry.

The 13 week study used college students who were assigned a workout regiment. Some students received a workout buddy along with their exercise schedule while others didn’t and the difference was incredibly clear. Those who had the assigned rival showed more exercise output during the study and encouraged others in their social circle to also sign up for similar workout programs.

The finding show that having a fellow competitor to work alongside will up your game but it also raises the question of how to keep rivalry healthy. Still, if competition is your goal, there are easy ways to keep it friendly.
1. Communicate



At its core, a rivalry is a relationship. Like any healthy relationship, clear and considerate communication is the key to keeping both people happy.

Using open communication, you and your competitor can establish shared goals as well as expectations for each other. Once that’s settled, be sure to keep things positive by sharing encouragements and any new needs that may evolve as your friendly rivalry does.
2. Play Nice



There’s an important distinction between a rival and an enemy. If you aren’t careful, you may forget the difference and lose sight of the reason the you two have joined forces in the first place.

View your new rival as an untapped resource instead of someone you need to beat. The goal isn’t to defeat each other but to encourage the growth of your potential.

With that in mind, don’t allow the rivalry to be brought to offensive levels. Remember: another’s success doesn’t diminish your own but a bad attitude certainly will.
3. Celebrate A Win



The whole point of healthy competition is improving your performance. When that happens, celebrate. Whether the improvement is on your side or with your rival’s, it’s important to give it the props it deserves.

Acknowledging growth benefits both sides of a rivalry by encouraging competitors to raise the bar even higher.

Focusing on the joy found in rivalry makes the competition even more fun and the more you enjoy it, the more you will want to compete. At that rate, the work put into improving won’t feel like work at all!

Start a healthy competition with someone who will challenge you to do your best and prepare to be amazed by the results of your friendly rivalry.

Leave it all behind.

Everywhere it seems that people are working on self-improvement; some work to transform their physique, some their spiritual health and others focus on their relationships.

Self-improvement is a powerful first step towards living with greater strength, yet we may be ready for a deeper and more complete transformation of ourselves.

Some fix their weight, yet their pain is still there. Others cut ties to those that drain them, yet their anxieties remain.

Transformation is all encompassing and requires us to get real about what ails us.

In the natural world, hosts of animals undergo a metamorphosis, changing all aspects of themselves in order to better adapt to their environment. Similarly, our own metamorphosis awaits.

What is it that no longer serves you?

Research has found that people are often stuck in self-defeating behaviors such as: putting ourselves last on our list of priorities, spending money we don’t have on things that are not a priority, drinking excessively to escape our thoughts and worries, overeating to cope with stress and a paralyzing worry about what others think of us.

Clinical professor at the UCLA School of Medicine, Dr. Daniel Siegel found that lasting personal transformation happens as we change those bad habits. Transforming our thoughts, our breathing and belief in ourselves promotes lasting change in our lives.

Dr. Siegel reminds us that, “the mind is like the ocean. And deep in the ocean, beneath the surface, it is calm and clear.”

When we start overeating and drinking to excess, we stop and ask why.

When we overspend, pick up that dreaded phone call instead of working out and continue to put ourselves last on our list of priorities, we use our thoughts to make an immediate shift.

Tell yourself to: put the item back, set down that phone and that taking care of yourself is not a luxury but a necessity.

Our thoughts hold the power to shift our lives. Like the depths of the magnificent ocean, inside ourselves is the calm, clear guidance for which we’ve been searching all along.

Real love is built on a rock.

If only loving someone was as easy as it seems in the movies.

Yet, real love takes work. A love that goes the distance, is possible when we first know ourselves and love ourselves.

It’s true that if you are not complete as a person, marriage will not help you. Looking to someone else to complete us is misguided.

A lasting relationship can exist when we are ready to do the emotional heavy lifting within ourselves.

Whether you are currently in a relationship, or hopeful about the future, remember these 3 tips for creating a love that lasts the test of time:
1. Know thyself.

A partner that comes to their relationship whole, with everything to offer, knows themselves. When we know ourselves, recognizing our patterns and triggers, we navigate our relationship with more grace and patience. Psychologists have found that knowing ourselves leads to greater self control, tolerance, understanding of others, vitality and pleasure, which all serve to strengthen your union.
2. Set up clear expectations.

Being a supportive partner starts with knowing your limits and expectations. When we are upfront with our partners about our expectations regarding family, friends, finances, etc. all of our cards are on the table. If this did not happen at the beginning, reset those expectations now.
3. Start with joy.

We can make it last forever by always finding ways to share joyful experiences with each other. Life hits us with so many challenges; it’s commonplace to vent to our partners, not even realizing the burden placed on their shoulders. The world is rough enough. At home, and when you are spending time together, always make sharing joy a top priority.

Indeed, lasting love is a moving sea between the shores of two souls. Only when that connection is honored and cultivated will we experience the type of love that lasts a lifetime.

It’s time to give yourself the credit you deserve.

Sometimes, no one can be tougher on us than us.

The secret thoughts that live in each of us threaten our peace. It is one thing to be introspective, or to wonder if we could have done things differently, but it is another to perpetuate a false, negative internal script.

Outwardly we may act as if we have things all together, but inside we level some of our own harshestcriticisms. We must stop beating ourselves up and start giving credit where it’s due!

Researchers at the University of Michigan have found that carrying forward a false internal script actually damages our self esteem and threatens our future success. The words we choose to repeat to ourselves matter.

They found that, “small shifts in the language people use to refer to the self during introspection...influence their ability to regulate their thoughts, feelings and behaviors.”

We often lie to ourselves (about ourselves) saying words and phrases like: “I’m broken”, “too fat”, “scared”, “not smart enough” or “lost”.

These lies we tell ourselves must stop; our words must speak peace into our own hearts.

Oscar award winning actress Viola Davis once said, “Who you are is good enough. I believe that the privilege of a lifetime is being who you are, truly being who you are.”

We are so much more than we even know!

We are whole, complete and worthy of love as is, scars and all.